It seems that I can find the perfect girl and everything goes great until I express my feelings toward her.  Apparently girls don't want to be appreciated and true feelings be told to them. I guess I am supposed to just be nonchalant and let them guess.

I always thought that honesty was the best policy, but here lately I'm starting to reconsider.  Every time I am honest with someone, I get the opposite effect that I was going for. People and their morals are ass backwards anymore.

I just don't belong here.  In this place, in this time, in this world.

I try to play a game, I try to write a blog, I try to talk to friends.  I try to do a lot of different things every day. I try to get a job, I try to get a girlfriend. I try to raise my kids the best I can.  Turns out, the only thing I get to do is raise my kids. They literally take up every second of my day.

Been waiting on my tax refund like it's really going to come, it sucks. I need money so bad and know this money will just be gone as soon as I get it. Probably won't have anything to show for it either.  I don't know what to do. I try to make sense of it all and it's near fucking impossible to even stay on one train of thought long enough to make any difference.

God help me.. I need strength and guidance, now more than ever.

I need an escape.  I need a friend. I need someone to not give up on me.  I put my all into my last relationship to be cast away like I never meant anything.  I guess I never will mean anything to anyone, because I will never put that much into another person ever again.

Every day something happens that is too hard for me to handle alone. I go through phases of rage, loneliness, and mostly sadness. The only thing I don't experience daily is happiness. Actually don't experience it much at all anymore. I mean, I smile when I look at my kids.  I feel pride in myself for my little family, this makes me smile.  Pride doesn't mean happiness though.

I wonder if there will ever be someone for me out there.  I don't really have time to look for someone anyway, I am a full time single Dad of three.  Even if I find a girl I like, there is always something about me or my life that fuck that up for me.

I guess I will just be alone forever.  Maybe I will achieve happiness if I learn to accept that... It's heartbreaking.

Maybe, I'm trying too hard.

I want to be open about everything from the start, but too much past from the start will cause problems.

I have changed in every way from the person that started this blog. I only share it with the people I want to be close to me in my life.  Every time I share it with someone they hate me for something I said.

I really can't help the way I was. I can only help who I will be now.  I want to love her, I really hope she let's me.

Her beauty takes my breath away... Her voice is the sweetest thing I hear each day... I'm falling fast, and it has made me  full of fear.

My heart is still cracked, it breaks so easy. I hope she makes it full again.