I need an escape.  I need a friend. I need someone to not give up on me.  I put my all into my last relationship to be cast away like I never meant anything.  I guess I never will mean anything to anyone, because I will never put that much into another person ever again.

Every day something happens that is too hard for me to handle alone. I go through phases of rage, loneliness, and mostly sadness. The only thing I don't experience daily is happiness. Actually don't experience it much at all anymore. I mean, I smile when I look at my kids.  I feel pride in myself for my little family, this makes me smile.  Pride doesn't mean happiness though.

I wonder if there will ever be someone for me out there.  I don't really have time to look for someone anyway, I am a full time single Dad of three.  Even if I find a girl I like, there is always something about me or my life that fuck that up for me.

I guess I will just be alone forever.  Maybe I will achieve happiness if I learn to accept that... It's heartbreaking.