If you are going to read this it is long, I warn you, 2,455 words.
Well, this weekend was great, but this week could've been better. I went to the Ohio Linuxfest in Columbus, OH. It was a great experience to say the least. But, as you all know, I have to give the details.
I went over to the Math/CS Department at about 12:20 p.m. when I was supposed to be there at noon. I thought for sure they were going to leave me, and I come to find out later, they were going to leave me, but extenuating circumstances slowed them down and pushed the departure time back. Destiny? Maybe, maybe not, you make the decision after the entire blog.
Well, I arrived in the math lobby and everyone was there, ready to go. I didn't see Lonnie around anywhere so I asked where he was. He couldn't go for a health reason, but they had invited a person to go in his place. Lonnie and I were supposed to ride with Dr. Hill and his wife in their car for the long trip to Ohio. Mark was there, so I was talking to him, and then, in walked Lonnie's replacement. Victoria. She was in my Assembly Language class, and I had a little crush on her, but nothing I was brave enough to pursue. She was just out of my league. I had met her last year through Amanda when we went out to eat to CiCi's. Didn't think anything of it.
Well, Hill's car fucked up, the brakes were sticking, so he had to go to Green Valley and rent a car. It was like an hour and a half before we left for Ohio. During the wait for Hill to get back with the rental car, Victoria, Mark, and I played hacky sack in the hall outside the lobby and classrooms. I knew immediately that Victoria and I had a lot in common. Well, finally Hill showed up with the 2005 Chevy Trailblazer and we were ready to depart. That was when I realized that Victoria was going to be taking Lonnie's place, and I was going to be taking the long ride with her. I was really excited, cause I knew I would get to know her a little better.
On the way up, Victoria and I talked non-stop, about the past, about the future, and about now, and we played the ABC game and a rhyming game. The trip couldn't of lasted long enough. It was a fun trip up there.
When we got to Columbus, we went to an awesome computer store called Micro Center, then out to eat at Quaker Steak & Lube. I ate some pretty damn hot hot-wings. Then we went back to the Motel. I wanted a dip of snuff, and Eric wanted a pack of cigarettes, so we walked over to the gas station across the street to buy us some nicotine (btw, it was nearly $5 for one can of copenhagen!!!). All of the other students on the trip were over there at the gas station. They were getting a 12 pack of Bud light... in the bottles. My absolutely favorite beer. I wasn't going to drink, but Cynthia and Victoria called and said they couldn't drink it all theirselves, so Eric and I went down to thier room to drink a few.
When we got there I of course was out drinking everyone, for some reason, I guess I am some sort of alcoholic.... nah. Well, we were all sitting their talking and drinking, and Victoria and I told each other that we liked each other. We got on the topic about sex, and I told her that I was not a virgin, and that I wasn't very happy about the girl that my first time was with. She knew the girl, and she agreed, not a very smart decision. After that topic had come and passed, I felt like shit, because of the mistake I made, so Mark and I decided to leave. The beer was gone anyway. I walked out of the door, and Victoria said, "Wait, don't leave". But I walked out, regardless... I was embarassed because of what I had just told her. Well I walked and caught up with Mark, on our way back to our room, and then her door swung open, and she signalled me over to her. I walked over, and she kissed me on the cheek. Then we walked back to our rooms for the night.
Next day, up at 8:00 a.m. to get ready for the convention. Eric and I got our showers and we were ready to go. We met at the vehicles and went to the Hyatt Hotel, where the convention was held. Mark, Victoria, and I went to Fame's Diner, for breakfast. Victoria and I both got pancakes... another thing in common.
We sat beside each other for all of the discussions, and by the third one we were holding hands. There were "Birds of a Feather" meetings after lunch, but Victoria and I decided that we didn't want to go to any of those, so we walked around together. We went up the escalator and stood over top of a coffee shop, talking and holding hands. Then we went back to the convention, after the "Birds of a Feather" meetings were over. We held hands the rest of the day... it was innocent and sweet.
After the convention, we went and ate at a cheap family restaurant. I don't even remember the name of it. Then we left, and started the drive back to WV.
The drive back was like something out of a movie. I held Victoria in my arms the whole way, while she did random things with her phone, most notably playing tetris, and we talked. I asked her if this weekend meant that we were dating. She asked me, what will we do about the Navy (her ship date is 1-11-05). I told her that we would worry about that when we got there. Then she said, that we would wait a few days back at school, to see if we acted the same in our normal environment. To make sure it wasn't an "in the heat of the moment" type of thing I guess. After a few stops and go's we got back on campus. We dropped Victoria off in front of North Tower and dropped me off at Wooddell.
When I got back to the room I did a few things on my computer and went to the bathroom. When I walked out of the bathroom I heard my phone ringing from down the hall, so I took off sprinting. I hate to miss a phone call. It was Victoria. She asked me if I wanted to come over to her room for a while, and I said yes.
When I got over there, we played some Dance Dance Revolution and some NCAA 2005, which she didn't stand a chance against me. But I didn't stand a chance against her at DDR. Then we decided to watch Finding Nemo. There were a few sweet kisses, then we fell asleep during the movie.
We woke up sometime around 11 ish, and I left to go over to Wooddell to shower and shiznit. we We ate lunch together sometime around noon and 1.
After lunch I walked her half-way up to towers then we parted ways so she could do some homework.
Sunday night, I went over and hung out with her some more. That's when I realized I was falling for her, both hard and fast. I had never been happier.
Monday I ate lunch with her and stuff, and that night went over to her place to hang out again. That night was awesome to say the least, and I got back at Wooddell around midnight. I studied for my Geography midterm as much as I could, but it was hard to concentrate because all I could think about was her. I slept well Monday night, as I did all previous nights since I had met her.
I woke up Tuesday morning in a great mood and went and took my Geography midterm. Directly after the midterm, I went and ate lunch with Victoria, Josh, and Travis.
Everything seemed to be going well, and I told her that I would come over later to help her with her Programming II algorithms (C++). I had that class last semester, for those of you that don't know, and C++ is my favorite programming language.
WARNING: It's all downhill from here...
Around 4:00 I went over to her room to help her with her homework. I walked in her room and everything was normal, we kissed etc.
She was working on her homework and I got on her computer to look at my programs from C++ that are posted on my website. The ones that she was working on are on there. I saw an instant message that was on there from one of her friends...
Background info before I continue...
She told me on the way up to Ohio that she was bi-sexual. And if any of you know me well enough, you know that I was thoroughly against gay/lesbian ways. But, every passing second is a time to change, both the way you see the world and the way you perceive it. For both of us. So I told her that I was cool with that. And I wasn't lying. And I wasn't thinking at all about sex, or threesomes, for the guys that are reading this.
Ok, back to the story...
The friend that the IM was from, happened to be her ex-girlfriend. Her friend was having personal problems or something. I told Victoria about the IM and she went over to the computer and read it... while I laid on her bed. Then, all of a sudden, she said "Oh shit" and she ran out of the room. A minute or two later, one of her sorority sisters came down to Victoria's room and told her roommate "Victoria said that she had an emergency, and wanted you to take Jamie downstairs." So she did.
The whole thing bothered me a little, but not bad, but regardless I decided to take a drive and think. When I got back around 7:30 I called her and asked her what had happened. She said that she had a lot of things going on in her head and that she didn't want to talk about it right now. I asked her if it had to do with me, and she said again that she didn't want to talk about it right now. I knew right then and there that it wasn't good.
I got ahold of her via phone later that night, around 9:00. She told me what she was thinking, I guess I kind of pryed it out of her, which was stupid, but I wanted to talk to her about it. She told me about her pressures that she was under and I understood the best I could. Then she told me that she was thinking that she was thinking that she was completely lesbian, as she had thought before. Other things were said.
We broke up during that phone call.
To say the least, I was crushed. I know that it was a short relationship, but we seemed so perfect for each other, I thought God had finally sent me my Angel and it was my turn to be happy. So I had high hopes, and they were stripped away, so it came as a massive shock. I was quite emotionally unstable, and I asked God why. Why did he give me these few days of such happiness, then take it away so suddenly. It was obvious that she was sent my way for a reason. And I realized that the reason wasn't a relationship. Josh really helped me through it. He is the best friend anyone could have. I don't yet know what the reason is for Victoria and I meeting, but I hope I find out.
Today, Wednesday October 6, 2004
It was an awkward day. Victoria and I saw each other in Assembly, but didn't talk. While I was in Art class at 11:00 I text messaged her on her cell phone and told her that I needed to talk to her. So we made plans to eat lunch together.
After Art, I went to eat lunch with Victoria. She told me that without a doubt she was a lesbian. So I went to Cobol at 1:00 directly after lunch with her. I could not concentrate at all, and Mr. Lawson saw my uneasiness and he knew the whole story because he knows both me and Victoria personally, and he released class early. I don't know if it was because of me that he let class out, but I am glad he did, because it wasn't doing me any good to be there anyway. I skipped Marketing at 2:00 because I just couldn't concentrate on schoolwork.
I came back to the room and listened to music and laid down and thought it through. I realized then and now that I was blessed to have these few days with such a great girl. She was a sign to show me that love is still out there, and to not give up hope.
So here I am, telling the story and it is now 1:26 a.m and I started this at 11:00. Even though it was hard to take, I appreciate her and everything about her. She is a great girl, and I support her and her decisions, even if they are not in my favor. You can't get everything you want, that's for sure, but damn, this weekend was great. Someone out there is going to be extremely lucky to one day be with that girl.
I am really fond of such a brave move she made. I am glad that she was thinking about me, and didn't want to get farther into the relationship and something like this happen, cause then it would have been worse for me.
Well, that is the end of this story, so Victoria if you are reading this, I am still here for you no matter what, and thanks for being honest with me, even though it hurt now, it would have hurt worse in the future. You are a great person, and good luck with everything.
When you look back on it, it couldn't of been a big coincidence. It happened for a reason. And I am happy now for the experience, even if it was a little painful. No pain, no gain.
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